Ricer Bible

[TJ213]

Pronounce N.O.S. as one word (NAWS).
When you are outpowered, call people out with your friends car.
Use an aftermarket tachometer...when your car already has a working stock tachometer in it.
Claim to beat cars that your car is totally uncapable of beating.
Install racing seats on a car that runs a 16 second or slower quarter mile.
Believe that Honda invented variable valve timing.
Install an aftermarket duel-exhaust on a 4-cylinder.
Buy a nitrous system just to purge.
Using car donughts and calling them "skinnies".
Mounting smaller tires to decrease gear ratio.
Multi collored body panels.
Claiming horse power and quarter mile times with out testing or proof.
Talk about how fast your car will be once you buy and install all the parts.
Fliping your hazard lights,during/after a loss or during a flyby
Say you lost because your car is running on a ****ty tune and needs to be tuned.......... when you're on the stock computer...
rev @ every car on the road that will eat you(no matter what direction they are going)

If some challenges you 2 a race you have 2 options
a.race and when you lose go to ws and lie your ass off: my clutch is slipping,i missed a gear, my vtec was set to low, I didnt double clutch like i should have, etc
b.tell em they are a waste of time

when the vinyl work is worth more than the car
when you neutral drop in an automatic
When the exhaust consist of coat hangers and jb weld
Yeah its got about 5000 dollars invested in it ( and it looks like ****)
Its a prototype that no one has (built from duct tape and blue glue and pvc piping)
driving in and out of traffic with your Integra thinking you have a fast car
Getting your #s from a g-tech or some other similar meter.
using chicken wire as a mesh grill
Having a body kit and no plans on painting it
When you double side tape parts to the car and expect them to hold up at 100 mph

"Yeah its VTEC, but its not hooked up yet"
When you consider primer as a color choice
When you tell people it has a 9000 rpm redline and can only turn 6700
if you talk about owning a skyline someday and you drive a civic
having windshield washer squirters with lights in them
You refer as everything being JDM
Tell people you are running nitrous,when its really N.O.S. octane booster.
taking your 50whp civic to a dyno when it's stock
When you manually shift an automatic
Going to the dragstrip with slicks and running a 16.05 in the 1/8
All you do is brag about how much of a street racer you are
you post pics of your parents car and claim it for you own
when your car has more torque in the lug nuts than in the motor
list winshield wipers as a mod and carbon fiber pedals
When you transform your car into something else with a headlight swap and taillight swap

When you stick the rim and tire out further than the fenders and you use curb feelers to keep from messing them up.
when your body kit is held on by sheet rock screws and thumb tacks
If you "fat arm" out the window with a sideways cap.
If you have to beg your parents to drive the civic
You remove every piece of your interior and you still run 15's
you have diamond plate floormats
you have a racing harness on your stock civic lx seat
you make your own intake out of pvc pipe
you have hubcaps that resemble rims
you drive any korean car and "mod" it
if you put 19 or 20" rims on a sport compact.
Put racing gas in ur stock civic lx
If you spraypaint your interior

If you are getting angry while reading this list
the local tow truck service is on speed dial
put lambo doors on
You join CLUBRSX , not to goof on them, but because you actually think they are fast
Calling your flat, bald street tires "Slicks"
you drive in 1st gear 90% of the time so you can hear the vtec whine
you have a bumper sticker that says drive it like you stole it
you play nfsu2 everyday
You've ever swung in behind a car (at 50 mph) in an attempt to draft.
When you lose you say "But your car has 4 more cylinders"
when you lose you say "Imagine if Honda made an engine as big as yours, because my 4 cylindler has 100 HP/Liter!"
You think you stand a chance against all Mustangs and Camaro's because they are heavy

You have a Vin Diesel poster
You buy a civic, add a cold air intake and cat back exhaust, add 200 lbs of stereo equipment and brag about how much faster it is than when it was stock.
You try explaining why vtec is better than a turbo charger
You have to let the passengers know when you're flooring it
If you know you can't win, you dump the clutch at 8,000 RPM's and say you couldn't hook up, but at least you looked cool
The only 2 exotic cars you can name are Supra and Skyline.
You put slicks on your car and only agree to race in the rain, just so you have an excuse.
When you can shoot a grapefruit from your exhaust tip
LED exhaust tips.
When you have NOS seat covers.
Put the car (automatic) in neutral on hills so that it rolls back like a manual and then go into drive when the light turns green.
Form opinions on cars you know nothing about.
Walmart is your #1 Auto Parts Supplier.
when you scream VTAK out the window cause you think it makes the car faster.
starting a poll about who would win in a race before you race



lol

[8695Beaters]

Yeah, my car is guilty of a few of these, and I hate it, but I'm poor. Mismatched junkyard crap is all I can afford. You also forgot some things:

Your rear wing doubles as your dinner table
"Disc brakes" is what happens when you throw your frisbee at a tree
Your brakes are made by the Frisbee company
You add a tach because you want to know your shift points but your car is an automatic
You can beat any of the NFS games in less than a day and have done so more than once
195/50/14 is a bra size
You have dual exhaust pipes...The working one next to a taped on beer can
Your stereo is worth more than the car
You do burnouts even though you have stock tires and your car is incapable of even doing burnouts
Your burnouts produce no smoke
You think you can drift because your tires squeal around every corner
Your car has more lights than a firetruck
You have "shaved badges" but still the holes where the badges were
Your body kit has fifty cracks and was installed yesterday
You park on the street becasue your car is too low to make it over the curb of your driveway
You have "powered by vtec" or "type-r" on something that isn't a Honda
You can't see out the windows of the car because of stickers and tiniting
You have more "sponsors decals" on your car than any nascar
You take off your cat converter because it "restricts the exhaust"
You primer/flat black a perfectly good paint job into something much worse but think it looks cool
You have plastic bags taped to your windows because they are "lighter than glass"
You pass tech at the 24 Hours Of Lemons and all you did was take of your license plates
2 wheels are new 17" rims with new tires, and the other 2 are the stock steelies, with bald tires
You say your black painted hood is carbon
You have a bolt-in rollcage and no padding
You can rattle off engine codes but wouldn't know a B18C1 if it fell on your foot
You race with a "gangsta lean" and one hand on the wheel
Your ringtone is your engine at redline
Small animals run out from under your hood/roof/side scoop when you start the engine
You always have a hand on the shifter (doubly so if it's a slushbox)
You own a VTEC Mustang (look at the video in the VTEC article)

[bmx-guy]

i'm not gonna lie, i am guilty of a few of those to...but the hand on the shifter, that's just habbit

[8695Beaters]

That's exactly what my friend says. But he also drives an auto.

[dre5491]

You have a wing on a front wheel drive car.
Your wing is taller than your roof.
You have more than one type of rims on your car.(unless its a spare)
You have no muffler what so ever on a street car.
Your exterior is more than two colors of paint.
Your "body kit" is made out of car board box.
Your spoiler is made out of 2x4's.
Your bumpers are held on by bungee cords, hangers, or duct tape.
90% of your body panels have dents in them.
You put your spoiler on backwards because you think it looks "cool".
Your body kit cost more than your car.
Your spoiler cost more than your car.
You think you can smoke anyone because you have a performance exhaust and cold air intake.
You think your car sounds good when theres nothing from the cat back.
Your rims cost more than your car is worth.
Your seats are worth more than the whole car put together.
You think its cool that your system is so loud your lisence plate rattles.
You think you have a short ram intake when all you did was take off your stock intake box and went to the auto part store bought a filter and put it on the stock plastic tube.

and thats all i can think of for now

[8695Beaters]

Hey man even front-drivers need downforce.

A couple more:
SuperStreet is where you get all your tech (and don't even try to tell me they have useful info. They outright suck. Project Car is decent, but SS is garbage)
You wonder why you can't pick up girls in a two-seat Civic sedan with racing seats and no a/c
Your dash has a brand new head unit, but half the lights don't work, some of the switches are missing, and you have installed other switches that do absolutely nothing.
Your interior is held in by sheetmetal screws

[EyesofFreedom]

Freakin Hi-larious!

[HondaME]

wow, very amusing !!!!

[shoobathelemur]

It's sad that I can recall seeing an example of every single one of these jokes while on the roads of central FL. Kias on 20's, civics on steelies, and an Accord with about 30 yellow performance logos on the side panels.

I'm guilty of diamond plate floormats. Fortunately thats the only one.

[8695Beaters]

Yeah, a lot of the ones I have are from one of my friends. His dad has a V6 Maxima and is always bragging about who he beat and how he's gonna take it to the dragstrip and kick everyone's butt. Except his dad is never going to let him drag it. And if his dad knew what he did to that car on a regular day, he'd never drive again. And of course he thinks his dad is going to change his mind (NOT!!!). It was really funny when I smoked a Mustang (who was trying to be jerk and pass me on a 2-lane road) with my 86 'Teg and he was in the car with me. I told him that was a victory worth mentioning. Which reminds me, I've got one more:

If you are picky about what car you want ("I don't want a Honda because it seems like all my friends have them"), even though you have no money and should thank the Lord above you haven't killed yourself driving like a bunghole, AND your last car got totaled when you were rearended, AND you think you can afford an STI when you graduate college, then you are most definetely a RICER!!!