dates

[XS-Style]

Im sure this will get some conversation going... Ive recently been in a situation that I got some flack for, so Id like you guys to voice opinions. Ive known this one young lady for a while, and her and I have talked about dating. I like her just fine, but I have a sticky point. That point is I work, and she doesnt.

Members of our family who know the situation seem to think its silly for me to be hesitant to date her because of this, but I dont. Shes not stupid by any means, she has a 2 year degree in video production. But for as long as Ive known her (almost my whole life) she wont keep a job longer than 3 or 4 months. Its been a good 8 months since her last job, and in that time she's lived at home with her parents, having them pay for the things she wants. I must sound awfull. I really do care about her, weve been friends forever. Im not trying to slam her, just to state facts.

I know with our history, that if I started to date her, we could work out long term. Am I being overly cautious? Shes a great gal, and we could have a future. Shes just... I dunno what to call it. I dont want to say lazy, or unmotivated, because neither seems to fit.

[EyesofFreedom]

You are not being overly cautious...you are thinking about your future!

First of all, if at any time you have any hang ups on a person, there is proabably a good reason for it.

Secondly, look at it like this. You date, move in together, married or not along comes a kid. Then you are the sole provider for 2. And if it doesnt work out your car fund becomes a monthly child fund...

Try to explain to her...very gently in this area...your feelings. Try to start off with something like where do you see yourself in 1, 5, and 10 years. If she at no time mentions a career...you know she is just looking for a sugar daddy. You know this person so you can gauge her responses.

Make sure when you explain how you feel about her freeloading ways...


But for as long as Ive known her (almost my whole life) she wont keep a job longer than 3 or 4 months. Its been a good 8 months since her last job, and in that time she's lived at home with her parents, having them pay for the things she wants. I must sound awfull. I really do care about her, weve been friends forever. Im not trying to slam her, just to state facts.


that you make it sound as if you want her to be able to be independant in case anything was to happen to you. That way you can express concern without looking like a stingy grouch...haha

And part of this can just be an age thing. How old are you and her? It may just be a phase...especially if you are both still young.

[XS-Style]

Im kinda glad to see someone else sees where Im comming from. I feel bad not persuing what could be a chance to turn a great friendship into something more, all over questions about the future. My gut feeling is caution though. To answer your question, were both 25. I hold a full time job, a part time job, and run my own business. (this may explain why I dont post much lol) She... well... doesnt do much. Shes mentioned a few careers, but no solid leads. I think alot of it is based on our backgrounds. She grew up with her parents who both had respected positions in the community. I grew up in a single parent home. My mother is a home health aid, and I was the youngest of four. She grew up with the mentality of 'im taken care of', while I had my mom telling me 'son I love you, but I cant give you things. If you want it, go get it.' Ive had a job since I was 14, I dont know what its like to stand there looking for a handout.

Thanks for the imput guys. This is all so confusing to me. Ive always been big on controling my own future, but this relationship area is the one area Im totaly lost in. The one lady I thought Id spend my life with (not the one in question here) had to leave almost a year ago now. Shed want me to keep going, and to make a life and be happy. But damn its hard. Even with this young lady now. Shes someone Ive known forever, someone Id like to think I can trust. Thats why I ask you guys for opinions. I want to know if my concerns are valid, or am I just finding fault cause Im scared to start over. Inside, I worry Im not ready yet, but life is out there, and Ive always been taught to go get it. Thanks again.

[narde]

stop overanalyzing everything, your already in a relationship with the girl just take it slow and see what happens. Seeing as how you've known her all of your life ,and proba-bly will go on knowing her, don’t make any knee jerk reactions that you WILL regret

[EyesofFreedom]

Originally Posted by narde

stop overanalyzing everything, your already in a relationship with the girl just take it slow and see what happens. Seeing as how you've known her all of your life ,and proba-bly will go on knowing her, don’t make any knee jerk reactions that you WILL regret

Actually you can never overanalyze your future, because it is your future. I believe what you were trying to say was not to fret too much.

He has been in the relationship for a while and if things arent changing now...they probably wont. They are both at the age where they should be begining to look towards the future. Unfortunately I kept it out of mind til I hit 30.

Oh and XS, I came from the same background as you. All my friends in high school had thier parents buy them new cars while I was stuck with a 78 Caprice Classic...ex detective car. It was silver and a real p.o.s.!!! (paid $150 so that should tell you something) I had worked all summer my freshman and sophmore years to save up money for the car and the parts it need to drive it home (another $650) I earned my own $800 $150 car...

Do I regret it...NO! I appreciated that car more than my friends did thier brand new hand outs. Plus when it snowed I actually got traction!!! HA HA!

We can all tell you to do this or that, but what you really need to do is sit down and think...yourself.

What do you want?
When do you want it?
What are you willing to do to get it?
What are willing sacrafices?
What is unacceptable?

Once you know those things...then you will know what to do. Life is to short to second guess. All the should of's and I wish I did's will do nothing but give you an early ulcer and nothing more. With all of this what I am trying to say is there are 3 simple steps that you can use in any situation in life...

1. Weigh you options
2. Make you decision (as informed as possible)
3. Stick to your guns...never second guess once the decision is made

These will help you in any situation...fell free to use them...just remember where you got them from...

[ItsMeTyler]

I agree. You must bring it up eventually. There must be somewhat of equal income by the 2 of you to live freely...